By Janine Stanley, Licensed Professional Counselor
I have been asked several times to explain this “Nurtured Heart Approach” by many friends, co-workers, parents and clients. I often struggle to find my own words at times because it is represented in a visual image for me. Imagine having the land to build your home, you have to start with building a foundation. This in itself is a process, but you trust the contractors to follow your plan. Some thoughts of all the things that could go wrong have already started but, you soon realize that you have created the time to attend all the meetings with the contractor; building a relationship and have set your expectations for this plan with creating boundaries on your blue print. You then allow these “fear” based thoughts or negative thoughts to disappear creating a more positive outlook on what is being build.
Creating a new way to be in relationship with your child is much like I described above, you have to be willing to allow the negative to not have all the “power” in the relationship, you need to create more opportunities for the positive to shine in, and lastly you need to set the clear expectations which allow for the relationship to grow.
Once the foundation is poured only then can you allow the framing to begin.
According to difficultchild.com, “The Nurtured Heart Approach® is a set of core methodologies originally developed for working with the most difficult children. It has become a powerful way of bringing inner wealth to all children while facilitating parenting and classroom success. It has a proven, transformative impact on every child, including those with behavioral diagnosis such as ADHD, Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and Reactive Attachment Disorder – almost always without the need for medications or long-term treatment.”
“Howard Glasser is the founder of the Children’s Success Foundation and creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach® which has been used in hundreds of thousands of homes and classrooms around the world.”
CORE METHODOLOGIES: THE THREE STANDS
- Neutralize Negative Behavior (“Don’t energize the bunny- take the batteries out”)
- Energize Positive Behavior in Meaningful Ways (“Create the relationship that honors you and your child and allow for time-in)
- Demonstrate Fair and Consistent Boundaries (“Create limits for transformation”)
Some of the many BENEFITS OF NURTURED HEART APPROACH
- Understand the uniqueness of the challenging child in the here & now
- Teaching a child to “Shift” or “flip” his/her intensity in successful ways
- Create a deeper sense relationship by allowing by building success & inner wealth for the child
- Identifying behavior that is working by feeding the soul with greatness this is not complimenting and feeding empty words
- Teaching a child to be Fearless in standing in their own Greatness
My good friend Sherry Blair, another Nurtured Heart Trainer and author wrote the following practice exercise, try it!
Nurtured Heart Greatness Practice: Stop now and notice yourself. What in this moment do you notice just by answering the above statements? Go ahead and notice TGT (Three Greatness Things). Create a sentence as if you were describing it to a blind person or as if you took a picture of yourself.
Now let’s notch that up. We are going to add some values and character strengths to the three statements above. For each statement above, answer the question “What does this show about me?” or “What value or strength am I showing?” For example, “I notice I completed this exercise. That shows my ability to focus and concentrate.”
I love how she states “create a sentence as if you were describing it to a blind person…” This allows me to stop and think which words would I choose? Does a blind person understand color? I have to dig deeper than describing myself on the surface, this is something most of us struggle to do, to stop and recognize most things around us on a deeper level. Almost too afraid to stand in our own greatness and allow others to truly “see” us from the inside. The word “positive” has some mixed feelings for some of us and sometimes it appears to be overused. Again, I would challenge you to see that creating positivity is about creating relationship that is not at the surface level.
If I take us back to the image I created with you in the beginning the house please remember, once the foundation is completed, you allow the framing to begin. I will share with you these next steps as we continue to build the home of your dreams!
For more information n NHA: http://www.childrenssuccessfoundation.com
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